50 ways to annoy the Marauders
by InsanelyWitchyMango
Summary: Alice's Quest, part 2: Alice is staying with the marauders, minus Pettigrew. watch her out annoy and out-prank the marauders in fifty ways!
1. Hair grease

**Hello, and welcome to the first ever guide of FIFTY WAYS TO ANNOY THE MARAUDERS!**

I pulled out the jar and spatula as I crept into the Marauders' bed-chamber.

I dipped the spatula into the jar and got to work.

-next morning-

The marauders walked into the dining room, moods as black as thunder.

Their hair was black, lank, and… slicked slimy with grease.

"ALICE!", they yelled in unison.

**Now, who do they resemble? SNIVELLOUS!**

**REVIEW!**


	2. Critism

**Yes, I'm updating, in July! Sorry if I startled you. Now just read up! R&E&R**

I perched myself on the arm of a poofy armchair in the common room.

I looked at the Marauders, an evil grin upon my face.

"So… Padfoot? Really? What, did Pads magically get feet? And are you one of them? I mean, _really?_", I said incredulously.

Sirius glared at me, and opened his mouth to reply, but I was on a roll.

"And Prongs? Are you a fork? Or is it referring to that laughable excuse of hair?", I gestured towards to messy head.

He opened his mouth to retort, but cut him off.

"And Moony? What, do you PMS during the full moon? Or are you a _dog person_ and go howling at the moon?", he opened his mouth indignantly, but I was rolling over his words,

"And, _Marauders?_ Really? That's the name my twin brothers gave themselves! When they were _three_", finally, angry exclamations erupted.

I smiled in a motherly fashion.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, don't you get bothered by critism!"

"ALICE!"

"SEE YA!"

**Heh heh. Gotta love annoying people… REVIEW!**


	3. Pointy Sticks

**Remember how Alice is Practically a death-eater? So that's how she got her pointy stick.**

I rummaged in my bag for my _device_.

I pulled it out.

And I tapped James on his shoulder, and he turned around.

"What?"

I proffered my _device_.

"I have a pointy stick"

And then I poked him with fore-mentioned pointy stick.

"OW! What was that for?"

"Because I have a pointy stick. _Duh_"

I turned to Sirius, and tapped him on the shoulder.

Then without waiting for a reply, I jabbed him with the stick.

"OUCH! What the Hell was that for?"

"Just 'cuz I have a pointy stick…"

Then I turned to Remus.

And promptly poked him with the pointy stick.

"HEY! What the bloody hell was that for?"

I threw my hands into the air.

"God, you guys are so bloody stupid! I was testing my pointy stick!"

They looked confused.

"I need to know if my Poking- and- annoying- marauders- with- pointy- sticks- skills are up to scratch.

Then they were like, "Oooooooooh…"

Then,

"ALICE!"

"SIONARA, SUCKERS!"

**I [ HEART] POINTY STICKS!**


	4. Invisibility Hanky

**Fun fact: Alice sneezes at will.**

Everybody was talking about Mary Green, who just had a sneezing fit, and annoyed Minnie so much.

I remembered how, in my five year old play, I was a sick Lady and had to sneeze realistically.

I sneezed so realistically, that the Matron was sent for, just in case I really _was_ sneezing.

Annoying, evil and pranking plan revolving in my mind…

!

"Why is there so much dust in here?", I muttered.

"Ah- ah- ah…"

I saw a suitable, silvery, hanky- sized cloth sticking out of James' bag.

I grabbed it, and…

"AH- CHOO!", I sneezed into the invisibility cloak.

The Marauders turned around in horror.

"NO!", James howled.

"That was my invisibility cloak!"

"Oh… I didn't know that! *cough* did *cough*", I coughed.

"ALICE!"

"I'll wash it for you in the next chapter, but I'm apparating _anyway_", and that I did.

James sat down, comforted by the thought that his cloak would be washed.

**I'll update the chapter today, Insha_**


	5. A manger is inanimate

**R&E&R. and to save myself trouble, Insha_ is short for Inshallah, which is Arabic for 'if God wills', and I may be putting this on all of my stories.**

As promised, I was washing James' cloak.

I scrubbed the cloak on the manger roughly.

I heard a _**RIP!**_ Which satisfied me considerably.

And I went on the manger, hearing quite funny ripping sounds.

!

I presented a dumb-struck James the invisibility cloak, which hung in complete tatters.

The other Marauders stared dumb-founded too.

I think the full moon is coming nearer.

"So, I _think_ the water and manger made it lose its invisibility, but on the bright side…", James sat up hopefully.

"I got nothing."

"ALICE!"

"BLAME THE INANIMATE MANGER!", I apparated away.

**But it's inanimate… same as always… REVIEW! If you do, then I'll update, and I won't get hit by a crate!**

**Poetic, aren't I?**


	6. Rainbow ink or Everlasting?

**YAY! The power just came back for me to type! thank you TANESCO!**

I found a piece of scruffy parchment in the Marauder dorm, and I knew exactly what it was.

I took out my rainbow ink and drew a cat.

While I was drawing it's neck- tie, the bottle of ink fell over it, "Accidentally" *nudge nudge wink wink*

I looked at the bottle label.

Uh-oh.

Everlasting Ink.

Now _that_ was a real accident.

The Marauders walked in and Sirius nearly tripped over me.

Remus looked at the parchment, as well as James and Sirius.

"What did you DO?"

"I was drawing…"

"Do you know what this IS?"

"Um… no…", cough, "Yes", cough.

They looked in horror at the parchment.

"Well, we can just clean it off, right?"

"We – ell, about that…"

"WHAT?"

"I sorta used Everlasting Ink…"

"ALICE!"

"BYE!"

**I loved writing that chapter. REVIEW!**


	7. Gum debris and apparating

**HI! Sorry ****I haven't**

**updated for along time… R&E&R**

"Gum, anyone?", I held out a pack of gum.

"ME!", the Marauders all shouted at once.

I took out a piece of gum, opened it, popped the gum in my mouth, and held out the debris to them, folded as though there was gum inside.

They all lunged for it, and I threw it about a mile away.

"RUN FOR IT, DOGGIES!"

And they ran.

Moony caught it, and opened it in some kind of glory.

HE looked at the non-existent contents, and Forky and Padsie looked too.

"ALICE!"

"SEE YA!", and I apparated…

Right where they were…

"DAMMIT!", that was the Marauders, 'cause, well… I'm paranoid, and an expert at Stinging Hexes.

And I apparated again.

**Loved that last part!**

**REVIEW!**


	8. Critism maker

**Sorry I took so bloody long.**

**My excuse: School, fasting (Ramadan), Eight Section Swahili homework, and most triumphant… (SEE END NOTE AFTER R&E&R!)**

I looked at the Marauders.

They were doing their homework.

"Hey, _Sirius_, how do you do this part?", Remus addressed him. They had made a point of using their given names, rather than their nicknames.

"I KNEW IT!", I yelled drastically.

"What?", they all chorused.

"_Moony_ needs _Pads_ because of his PMS-ing, to do whatever they need to do with pads! And _moony_ also needs _Prongs_ to vent his anger at having his PMS! It all fits!", I stabbed a finger at each of them when I mentioned their name.

They sat, stunned, blinking, working out my rant in their pea-sized brains.

They found it out at the same time.

And that caused,

"ALICE!"

"I PREFER CRITISM MAKER!", and I apparated.

**Okay, so I don't PMS yet. Oh, yeah,**

**TRIUMPH… **_**drum roll please…**_

_**I WROTE MY FIRST NOVEL! **_**Review and make me happier, so I update!**


	9. Homework stock

**Next chapter in a day. REVIEW!**

The marauders set out their homework stuff, included with parchment, ink and quills.

They went out for a walk, and I set out to work.

I replaced their quills with look alike _special_ quills.

I charmed the parchment.

I replayed their ink-bottles.

I was a safe distance away when the marauders walked in.

They sat to do their homework, and a grinning I sat to watch the show.

Moony dipped his quill in ink, and wrote on the parchment, which immediately belched.

Prongs dipped his substitute quill in, and wrote on the parchment.

Next minute, he was hopping around, clutching his hand.

Umbridge quills, y'all?

Padfoot dipped his quill in ink, and wrote the whole report as fast as he could.

Just as he was saying, "I knew she liked me best!", his whole report disappeared.

"ALICE!"

"I GOT A STOCK OF THE STUFF!"

What do you think happened?

POOF!

**That last part was so funny.**

**REVIEW!**


	10. Broom  closet  notes

**First double digit!**

"Here, kitty kitty!", I yelled down the corridor. Mrs. Norris appeared at the foot of the stairs.

Skidding, I caught her easily.

I saw the nearest broom-closet, and put her in it, locking the door.

-next morning-

"Hey, Sirius!", I yelled, chucking an envelope at him.

He opened it.

_Dear Siri,_

_Meet me in the broom closet on the fourth floor._

_See you there,_

_Marlene_

Sighing, he made his way to the fourth floor.

"PRONGS!", I flung another envelope at him.

_Dear James,_

_I am ready to go on a date with you. Shall we discuss in the broom closet on the fourth floor?_

_Lily_

He made his way too.

"LUPIN!"

I catapulted yet another envelope at him.

_Dear Moony,_

_HELP for a prank! Fourth floor broom closet_

_Padfoot_

And.

He.

Went.

I apparated and unlocked the doors.

The marauders all went in at the same time.

To Mrs. Norris.

I chucked some pumpkin in, not even enough for the cat, locked the doors, and went away.

"ALICE!"

But instead of apparating, I just walked.


	11. Broom closet betting pools

**I am sorry for the long wait…**

**Merlin, did I update last MONTH!**

I was bored.

Mostly, because, I had forgotten completely about the Marauders in the closet.

And I got an idea.

Why not a betting pool?

I magnified my voice magically, while Professor Sprout had walked out.

"_Who would like to place bets on who will come out of the closet, The Marauders, or Mrs. Norris?"_, I said.

A magnificent cheer ran up from the Herbology lesson.

"Spread the word! Betting pools will be open in the Great Hall during lunch!"

Then the bell rang, and everybody streamed out for Lunch.

- during Lunch-

I saw Professor McGonagall during Lunch.

In the betting pool around my seat at the Hufflepuff table.

And she looked ecstatic.

And she bet twelve galleons that the Marauders would come out.

Then, the hall fell to hush.

The crowd parted, and I saw what happened.

Some kids were there, in my year probably.

I bounded to them, "Hi! Would you like to place a bet? The minimum is a sickle, and the maximum is 20 galleons. It's on whether the Marauders or Mrs. Norris would come out of the closet!", The three kids looked appalled.

Something dawned on me with those expressions…

"AH!"

"ALICE!", yep, those were the Marauders.

"SEE YA!", and I apparated.

Looks like Minnie got her 12 galleons.

**I sort of made this up as I went along… REVIEW!**


	12. Bunny notes

**Er… bunnies return!**

I was bored.

Because I was in HoM.

With Professor Binns.

I got a funny thought.

I remember that article, how to fold a paper bunny…

I took out a white sheet of paper and folded it according to the instructions.

Adding my own twist, I strung a message onto its neck.

I tapped it with my wand, and it sprang to life, twitching its nose.

Then it hopped across the floor, stopping so everybody could read the message, desk by desk.

MAJOR OOPS.

But I let it.

Everybody was giggling by the time it got to the Marauders.

They read the message, and while their eyes boggled, the innocent bunny went to Binns.

_Major, MAJOR oops._

Binns read the message, and then started laughing so hard…

SO hard…

"ALICE!"

"YOU ARE GAY WERE-BUNNIES!", I said just what the note had stated, but to the Marauders.

And guess what?

I poofed away.


	13. SNAPE IS PREGNANT!

**Metamorphoguses ahoy!**

_Ah… those were the days… annoying times…_

I thought fondly as I leafed through the photo album with me and Voldy.

I looked at the picture of me tailing Voldy, with my metamorph-awesome-ness.

Evil, annoying scheme forming in evil, annoying head…

!

I morphed myself to look like Snivellus, who I had locked in a broom cupboard.

I stuffed a balloon under my shirt, and ran down to breakfast, acing the gushing mother-to-be face.

I burst into the great hall.

"James! Sirius! Remus! My loves!", I cried.

They swiveled their heads and gaped, while the rest of the Great hall ate, and ate, and ATE!

I climbed onto the Gryffindor table, (How I hate Gryffindors), and proclaimed at the top of my guts, "SIRIUS! JAMES! REMUS! MY LOVES! I HAVE NEWS!", I yelled.

All eyes were on me now.

"I AM PREGNANT!", now shock…

"WITH ALL OF YOU!"

More shock.

Now all eyes on the Marauders.

"LET'S GET MARRIED!", I produced three scruffy rings.

I feel weird…

I looked down. The robes were larger…

I looked like myself.

"Dangit!", I swore under my breathe.

"ALICE!"

"THAT WAS SNIVELLUS TALKING!"

**That was cool**


	14. Viratecookies

**Later I'm going to make cookies!**

I ran my fingers down the cookbook.

I added the cup of cookies to the mix.

-twenty minutes later-

I served the cookies to the Marauders.

They each took a hungry bite.

I tested out my THING.

"Do you like these cookies?"

"YES!", they all shouted.

I smirked.

"HEY EVERYBODY! THE MARAUDERS ARE ANSWERING QUESTIONS TODAY!", I yelled.

Girls and boys alike swarmed around the Marauders.

"Hey, Sirius, why did you dump me?", I heard someone ask.

"'Cuz I heard you have fake boobs"

SMACK!

"James, did you date me to make Evans jealous?"  
>"Yup"<p>

SMACK!

"Mr. Lupin, why haven't you turned in your assignment?"

"'Cuz I think you're sexy!"

"DETENTION!"

I admit, I made that up.

But he did get detention.

I don't think I put in enough veritaserum.

Do you know why?

"ALICE!"

That's why…

I apparated away.

**Cookies rock. But I can't put veritaserum in mine.**


	15. Fatsoes, smell the apples!

**I have a newsletter! If you would like to subscribe, just send your email in a review!**

I juggled the green apples on my way to the court-yard, where the Marauders were sitting.

My laptop was in its bag, slung over my shoulder.

I sat down in front of them, and all business, I took out my laptop.

I opened it, and looked at them over the screen.

"I'm conducting an experiment. I need you three to be my subjects"

"What's the experiment?", Remus jumped in.

"It involves these apples", I gestured the apples.

"It says here that if you smell green apples, you lose weight"

"So?", Sirius asked.

"SO I want to see if it will work. So, pick up and smell away"

They nodded at first, then Remus' brow creased.

"But why US?"

"Because you're fatsoes."

"ALICE!"

"FATSOES!"

And I poofed my bony bum away.

**Yes, I do have a bony bum. You know, Alice is basically me in the Wizarding world under a new name.**

**Except for the metamorphogus part…**


	16. Abbreviation lesson

**Teacherly special**

"Hello, ISNTYOs", I greeted the Marauders.

"Huh?", they asked in confusion.

"Stands for:

**I**mmature

**S**elf

**N**icknaming

**T**hree

**Y**ear

**O**lds"

"It includes, FHG, GWN, VPH"

"Huh?"

"They go like this:

**F**ork

**H**eaded

**G**it

_Then:_

**G**ay

**W**erewolf

**N**erd

_Next:_

**V**ain

**P**layer

**H**ypocrite"

"Who wants to guess who's who?"

"ALICE!"

"ABI!"

**(Abbreviated Bloody Idiots)**


	17. How, Dahlings?

**I know I used this in the voldy one, but its pretty much my trade-mark when I'm doing 50s.**

I sidled up to the Marauders.

"Remus, are you sure you're not gay?"

"YES!"

"How?"

"Well, um… OH BE QUIET!"

I wiggled my fingers at him.

"You just keep saying that to yourself"

I turned to Sirius.

"Are you sure you aren't really a girl?"

"Duh!"

"How?"

"Well, because, otherwise I'd be gay, with al the girls I_"

"I don't think you're gay. That's why you're with Remmy-poo, right?"

"SHUT IT!"

"Yadda Yadda Yadda"

I made the appropriate sign with my hands and turned to James.

I asked the question I'd been dying to hear.

"How do you know that you don't have a fork-shaped brain, and that's why you've got all the spikes?"

"Because that's IMPOSSIBLE!"

"When did YOU become Mr. Smarty-pants?"

"ALICE!"

"You keep on shouting that, _DAHLINGS!_", and I poofed my smart-ass away.

**Well, that was fun.**


	18. Don't feed the Animagi!

**Pull out the Animagi!**

I creepily turned to face the Marauders.

"I know your Animagi forms!", I said cheerily, still creepy.

"Well, what are they?", Remus challenged.

I spun to face James. "You. You are an overly-fluffy kitten"

"And the girl!", I spun to Sirius, pointing dramatically.

"She's a bald rat!"

"And you!", I spun to Remus and closed my eyes. I shuddered theatre-like and said, "Your aura isn't of Animagi! You are…"

"A WERE-BUNNY!"

"ALICE!"

"DON'T FEED THE ANIMALS!"

And I poofed away, put not after sticking the sign on their fore-heads.

Let's just say I aced permanent sticking charms.

**Let's see what Flitwick makes of that fine charmery!**


	19. Thoroughly colored

**Colors are very important, are they not?**

I crept into the Marauder dorm and pulled out a few vials of potion.

I was best at potions, and it was my favorite.

Well, I got to work and dripped the vials over each of them, one by one.

-next morning-

The Marauders walked inevitably into the Great Hall.

Not a change.

Except that Sirius was a fluorescent pink, James a fluorescent green, and Remus a fluorescent yellow.

Pretty much every color I hated.

Unless Justinutte Beaver has a color named after her…

Yeah, well, so were their clothes.

Everything was pink, green and yellow respectively and thoroughly.

And everyone laughed.

Thoroughly.

"ALICE!"

But I was lost amidst the laughing crowd.

_Thoroughly _ covered.

**So is that word**


	20. Tutus are usually pink

**STUPID COLORED TUTU TIME!**

I balanced the pink (BLEC!) tutus over my arm, and stumbled to the Marauders.

I threw each one of them a tutu.

"Wear them!" I ordered.

"Why?" Remus asked suspiciously.

"All the cool boys wear these Muggle clothing articles", I replied.

So they went to get changed, as well into the matching pink tank-tops and rose-tipped flats.

- After they changed-

They came out, wearing the garments I had picked out for.

They looked like manly, pink ballerinas.

REALLY pink.

I bustled them to the courtyard.

"Would you like to give me credit for your clothes, or take it yourself?"

"OURSELVES!"

So I led them onto a makeshift pulpit, and magically magnified my voice.

"The Marauders would like to show you their new clothes, which they picked by themselves completely!"

And I stood back to uncover the Ballerinas.

And the audience (Which was the whole school), laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed.

"ALICE!"

And I apparated my un-tutu-ed ass away.

**MARAUDER BALLERINAS!**


	21. The Snow Marauders

**Yellow again! I'm back, and better than ever, thanks to boosts of awesomeness drink I've been drinking! You can find it at your standard Fanfiction writers shop for HP fans!**

I once again snuck into the Marauder dormitory.

I took out the small bottle of powder, and water. I mixed it and poured it into their hair.

_NEXT_ MORNING_

The marauders walked into the Great Hall, oblivious to the laughing:

NOT!

End result of staying up till midnight?

Marauding white locks!

"Hi, Sirius White, James White-Bowl, and Remus Snow-bunny!", I greeted them, shaking their hands in turn.

"ALICE!"

"WHITE FAMILY!"

**REVIEW!**


	22. Big balls

**Big, big Balls!**

I coaxed the gigantic crate into the Great Hall, and made sure no one was watching.

I let the balls loose, red and gold, and charmed to get a particular person…or group.

The balls bounced crazily around and I heard glass break from Remus's bag, and liquid dripping through the fabric.

But I didn't say anything.

One ball jumped around and broke and dislodged James's glasses.

One ball, though, stood out, bless… it.

It bounced around so hard that it actually hit Sirius in the… _Jewels._

He howled, and the other balls followed lead, hitting the other two in the Jewels as well.

Cue the evil laugh.

From the whole school.

**I told you they were big!**


	23. A Very Marauderly Music

**The singing and dancing Marauders!**

"It's true!", I insisted.

They shook their heads.

Untrusting little excuses of—Excuse my language.

I decided to put it to the test.

I put in a video of Justinette Beaver singing with Miley Cyrus (The two people I hate in one). It started up, and I pulled one girl and one boy from somewhere.

"You", I pointed at the boy.

"What do you think of the girl in the video?"

"She's— ", he considered.

"—sexy"

"And you", I turned to the girl.

"What do you think of the boy in the video?"

"Se—xy", she looked at him some more.

I turned it off.

"See? Now can I be your manager?"

James was playing Base. Sirius to lead guitar. Remus with the drums.

Me doing make-up. Cue all your little evil laughs.

I made them look like those rock-die-hard rockstars with all the black eyeliner and eye shadow, the works.

Onstage.

I had supplied the crowd with big, red tomato, which were light enough to throw in their in the back.

Soon enough, before they even started playing, everyone was laughing.

And throwing tomatoes like there's no tomorrow.

Hmmm… Note to Self: Do not pair pink tutus with Black make up and black frilly cardigans.

And get tips from Fashionista.

**Alice and I know nothing about fashion. I think that would look cool, minus the make-up, and a different color tutu and the frilly part.**

**Otherwise, I would were it.**


	24. What is that supposed to mean?

**Hey, all! I'm on a campaign… And I need your help! See details below…**

Remus looked over to me at the table in the Great Hall, "Hey, Alice, would you like some of these chocolates?", he was grinning hopefully. Probably spiked. Damn my weakness for chocolate. But instead I resisted and said, "What is that supposed to mean!", and I burst into seemingly real tears.

Sirius handed a box over to me in the hallway. "Alice, I got you some clothes to—", he cleared his throat and barely suppressed a smile, "Improve your fashion sense"

I burst into crocodile tears, "What's _that_ supposed to mean?", I blubbered.

James ran up to me, holding a muffin, "Would you like a muffin?"

"What's _**that**_ supposed to mean?", I cried.

The Marauders walked up to me, Minnie behind them.

"Alice, We're sorry we spiked—", they mumbled, "WHAT'S _**THAT**_ SUPPOSED TO MEAN!", but instead of crying, I just laughed my head off.

"ALICE!"

"HELP ME, MINNIE!"


	25. Well hello to you too!

**Well, AWESOMESAUCE to you guys too! **

The Marauders were having a triplet day. They kept on saying things. Together. It was really annoying.

Very annoying.

But, wait; _I'm_ the annoying mastermind in this story, aren't I?

So…Come to now…

"So, Alice, how are you today?", The Marauders said together.

"Well, how are you to you too!", I smiled.

"What?"

"Well what to you too!"

"Stop it!"

"Well, stop it to you too!"

"That doesn't make sense!", Moony said. _By himself._

I jumped up in victory. "YES! I HAVE BROKEN THE—um—"

I stopped. "The—triplet!"

"ALICE!"

"WELL—UM—BYE TO YOU TOO!"

**How comes no one PMing me letters to forward to JKR? Don't you want a Marauder Era book officially by JKR?**


	26. Snapping fingers and Jewels

**Whaddup! I actually Updated! In the same hour! WOOT!**

_Fun fact: Alice can't snap her fingers._

No, not acting or a joke. I seriously can't snap my fingers.

"MOONY!", I yelled, darting into the Common room. "What?"

"Teach me how to snap my fingers!"

He blinked. "Are you kidding?"

"Nope, teach me!"

The other two stayed in a neat line behind Moony. Perfect.

"Okay, so you position your fingers like this", he put his fingers in the snap-prep.

I positioned my fingers the same way, and shoved it into his face.

"LIKE THIS!"

"Yeah, now you make it slip, like this", he snapped his fingers.

I tried and made an unsuccessful muted clicking noise.

But, this is what happened:

My finger went into Moony's eye, and he covered it with his hand, searching for his wand in his pocket for the other. His elbow knocked into prongs stomach, whose foot flew back and slipped, and his foot kicked Padfoot in the _Jewels_.

Padfoot holed and kicked out, getting Prongs, and Moony was gotten by Prongs.

"That was _so_ planned"

"ALICE!"

"BUT IT _WAS_!"


	27. Slythie Marauders

**Yellow! I want all of you to read the A/N at the end of the story. I COMMAND YOU!**

Sometimes, you got to join forces with those you'd rather avoid to complete a mission.

I have a key to everything in Hogwarts.

And now I'm on my way to the dungeons.

Truthfully, the dungeons are cool. Green light. I mean, they're freaking under the lake!

Anyway, I got in, and the first that happened was that everybody shouted:

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!"

They didn't look angry, but scared.

"If you hate the Marauders, then you will help me"

I got the potion from Severus, and snuck into the Marauder dorm.

I used a multiplying charm and left them open strategically as Sev told me to.

*next*morning*

The marauders inevitably walked in, trying to blend in…

But I'm one good navigator. And I admire how far one rumor can travel. The whole school, even teachers in 2minutes, 50secods and 200nanoseconds, if you're wondering.

So, they walked in, with their silver and green hair, wearing Slytherin robes, Slytherin ties and the rest.

How's that for supporting the Enemy house?

"ALICE!"

"EVIL LAUGH!"

**Yes, she said Evil Laugh, she did not really laugh. She only worked with Sev. Anyway, I'm looking for people to apply for being my twin. Alice's twin, for a fic, called Double Trouble.**

**So, if you're a fan of Prank wars, come on! Also vote on which era, Epilogue, Marauder or Original. REVIEW!**


	28. Supercalibombing

**I'm so on a roll! **

"ALICE!" The Marauders called. What did I do now? Was it the powder prank? Or was it…?

"Help us do the Transfiguration homework!", Sirius pleaded.

"!", I said in one breath.

"Huh?"

"", I said as though it explained all mysteries of the world.

"Super-calico-fragile…?", Moony tried to dissect the long word.

I said it again, as though explaining to a two year-old.

"!"

"DAMMIT! TELL US WHAT IT MEANS!"

"Oh, don't get your knickers in a twist!", I paused.

"And don't give them to each other, either"

"ALICE!"

"SUPERCALI—AH, WHAT THE HECK!"

**Remember the twin comp!**


	29. Pantsed

**I'm on one real good role. Tomorrow, if I'm really creative, you'll get around ten chapters!**

I prepare myself when I do a prank. But this time, I'm betting on it.

I paid a few first years to bait them, and, pretty good, since it's all done. I've got three baiters. This is going to go PERFECT!

The Marauders chased the First years all around the Great Hall, bless them. Climax, up. The firsties thankfully jumped over the trick step, but the marauders weren't so lucky.

The time came.

A log appeared out of nowhere, in front of the Marauders.

They tripped, and I triple fired the charm, and there they were, in front of the whole school…

_Pantsed._

And I was right to count on gut feeling.

Moony had still pink underwear with white bunnies on them. Sirius had teddy-bears. James had—get this—ballerinas!

And much to the embarrassment of Lily Evans, All the ballerinas were red haired and green-eyed.

Moony spotted something on the log.

So had the other two.

"ALICE!"

"BYE!"

**I might just make it triplets, depending on which era.**


	30. Freezers Appreciation

**Well, in my world, Peter is stinky, rotting cheese fondue in the sewer.**

I scribbled furiously and shook glitter on the small posters.

I wasn't as good an artist as my friend, but it's good enough.

In a moment of action, the marauders were passing, and I put on a Permanent Sticking Charm on the posters and stuck them to their backs.

So far, so good…

By dinner time everyone in the school had already seen the Marauders back posters.

Everyone except for them.

James walked behind Moony and looked at his back.

He ripped off the poster from Moony's back. Sirius looked, and ripped off James'. Moony checked Sirius and ripped off _his_.

They stared at the Posters, which stated:

FREEZERS APPRECIATION

Blimped by: MARAUDERS

COURTESY OF: ALICE

Freezers deserve a light too.

"ALICE!"

"FREEZERS!"

**Hee-hee!**


	31. The Remus LupinsMarauders Forever

**Inspired by The Remus Lupins**

"Hey, guys!", I sidled up to them in the Library.

"What?"

I pointed to my laptop and opened it.

"I think you should see this"

I clicked _PLAY._

"_Sometimes I wonder what it would be like, if I was with the flying motorbike, alright,_

_Of course James will always get the girl, He's not a Chaser, he's a Keeper, and it's oblivious to the whole Wizarding world…"_

The song went on.

Once it ended, James asked, "Who are these people, and what else do they know?", he sounded a little scared, and a little awed.

Moony scrolled down.

"Whose Peter?", he asked.

"He's that bowl of moldy fondue in the toilet", Sirius volunteered helpfully.

"And—wait—We're going to die?", James read, eyes wide.

"Wait… I marry…Tonks…You mean, Sirius' Niece Tonks?", remus asked, his cheeks going a little pink.

"Wait, I'll always get the girl? Does it mean Lily?"

"How do they know about my flying motorbike?"

"Because they're smarter than Moony", I said.

All their eyes went round.

"Not that that's saying much"

"ALICE!"

"BYE!"

**First chapter of the day. Lyrics from The Remus Lupins- Marauders Forever. Song's awesome. Check it out.**


	32. MaraUDERS!

"Are you guys obsessed with cows?"

"Why?"

"Because your name is Mara-UDERS!", I cracked, laughing.

Yeah, lame joke, that's why it's so funny.

"ALICE!"

**I know. Short and lame. **


	33. Disney Princesses present, the Marauders

"You know, somehow, you all seem to resemble Royal"

"Who?"

"James", I pointed at him, "is Sleeping Beauty, because, I mean, how many hours can you sleep?"

Before he could retort, I was rolling over his words.

"Sirius is Tinkerbell, because, how slutty can you get? Have you seen how short her dress is?"

Before he could say a bad word, I was just warming up.

"Moony, you're Snow White", I pointed. "Because she, too, hid in the forest, just like you hide for your, ahem, _time_", I used thick implications.

"ALICE!"

"PRINCESSES!"


	34. Fairies and Gay people

**Second chapter. The light had gone off for a few.**

I made up some story as I stared at the small hole above the board. Evil scheme forming in likewise head…

I bounced to the Marauders.

"Do you see the fairies?"

"What fairies?"

"The ones which live above McGonagall's Board."

"Um…"

"Only really creative people can see them, it's okay if you can't! it just means your not creative!"

"Yeah just means that"

"Well, gay people can't see them either…"

"ALICE!"

"YOU CAN'T SEE THEM!"


	35. Dora Torture

"STUPEFY!"

I tied the marauders to the chair, facing the TV. As they revived, I put a silencing charm on them.

I put the tape in the tape player.

_Dora the Explorer: All reruns._

And scrawled across it in my messy cursive, was:

_Torture Item. Do NOT risk_.

I turned it on, and covering my eyes and ears, I walked out of the room.

I heard sobbing from them at the annoying voice of Dora, Boots, the map and the Backpack.


	36. In a Broom Closet with Slythies

The Marauders walked right next to the broom closet. I shoved the Marauders into a broom closet, where Bellatrix, Lucius, and Narcissa were waiting.

I locked the door and heard quite satisfying bickering and banging sounds.

"ALICE!", the six voices chorused together.


	37. Painted pink or broken?

I snuck into the Marauders dorm and looked around for their wands.

I took them, and _SNAP!_ it woke the Marauders.

Thety saw their broken wands, then me.

"ALICE!"

"Least I didn't paint them pink", I muttered as I apparated away.

**Why do I hate pink so much?**


	38. Celebrities of Bollywood

**YAY! This is a tribute to the fact that Indians are NOT terrorists.**

"Hmmm…", I tapped my chin.

"You know you all remind me of some celebrities"

They all sat up.

"Who?"

"Well, James, You are Shah Rukh Khan, because he's the Leader of Bollywood, and you are of the Marauders.", I pointed at him.

I pointed as Sirius, "You are Hritik Roshan, because you are a heartthrob, like him"

"And Remus", I pointed at him.

"You are Abisheik Bachchan, because everyone thinks he's gay, as well, even though he's married to a girl"

"I'm not married!"

"ALICE!"

"BYE!"

**Yesss!**


	39. Cookie Gags and forgotten cloth

**Yessss!**

I took the cookies out and shook chocolate on it while it was still hot. I let them cool. Oh, they won't know what they'll be for!

I held the tray of cookies as I walked into the Gryffie Common room.

"Ooh! Cookies!"

"STUPEFY!"

I tied them up and stuffed cookies in their mouths as a gag. I forgot the cloth, okay?

"So, you're sure you're not a gay were-bunny?", I asked for the millionth time.

They nodded their heads vigorously.

The cookies were still gagging them.

"So, do you like the cookies?"

"ALICE!", their muffled voices emitted from the cookies.

"BYE!"


	40. Filchy Broomsticks in thirty languages

**Yes! I did ten chapters in one day, with writers block! **

The First Quidditch game of the season was here.

When the Marauders were at Breakfast, I stole their brooms.

I went down to the common room and charmed them to start brooming.

They swept the rug and the Marauders came up for their brooms.

"OUR BROOMS!"

"Oh, these are broomsticks?"

Their white faces told me yes in thirty different languages.

"Well, they looked like Filch's brooms, that Filthy!"

I tsked.

"ALICE!"

I poofed away.


	41. Suck it up, princess!

**This is my trademark catch-phrase. Not for sale. So… _Suck it up, princess!_**

"My wand is _broken_, Alice, all because of _you"_, Remus huffed.

"So is there's, so _suck it up, princess!"_

DIAGON ALLEY:

"Let's go shopping!", I tugged the Marauders towards the resident craft store. Not much of a clothes buyer.

"Please, not _again"_, they groaned. I've been on a spree for craft stuff for the past two months.

"Well, c'mon, and _suck it up, princesses!"_

"ALICE!"

"SUCK IT UP—AH, FORGET IT!"


	42. Craftified!

**Oh, yeah! Next chapter in half an hour! I rock!**

There _was_ a reason for the overload stock-up of craft supplies.

Hogwarts was at Hogsmeade today, so I got my wand to work.

Thank my lucky stars it was superglue…

The Marauders came into their dorm. It was craftified.

_Badly._

I had super glued frilly pink pompoms to every single surface. There trunks had… _loving_…messages on them in a bright red _**(NOTE SARACASM!)**_

"ALICE!"

"HATE YOUR NEW ROOM, SUCKERS!"

**Muahahahahaha!**


	43. Partnership and mattresses

**Gooooo, ALICE!**

Another night escapade. I crept into the Marauders dorm at night, but this time with help; Severus Snape.

We completed our mission, and successfully shook hands on our partnership.

*next*morning*

Hogwarts had come out to look.

The Marauders, floating peacefully on their mattresses…which were floating in the Lake.

That was, until they woke up.

Thinketh of the devil, and the devils shall appear.

Or wake-up, whichever you prefer.

They toppled from their mattresses in the water, but everyone clearly knew what they were screaming like banshees about underwater.

"ALICE!", they yelled when they resurfaced.

"SAY HI TO THE GIANT SQUID!"

**Review!**


	44. Vulgar shops

**Thanks to MoonXRain, who gave me tons of inspiration on her list '100 ways to get kicked out of Target'**

Hogsmeade can be pretty surprising. It's fully equipped for the hormonal-adolescent-teenager period.

Namely, it has an *Ahem* _shop_.

I would never be seen in such a vulgar place, so typically, I paid a first year to get them for me in a non-descript box.

I got them, now time to deliver to my complimentary _customers…_

*Muahahahaha*

The Marauders kept their bags at their feet in the Great hall in breakfast, and I already knew there would be a spot-check in front of the whole school instead of going out.

I sleuth-like slipped the _goods_ in their bags.

The spot-check commenced, and the Marauders, the biggest suspects, who had nothing at the time, were called up first.

The contents of their bags were dumped out for the school to see…

And they saw tampons and condoms.

The Marauders put the Tomato family to shame as the school roared.

"ALICE!"

I poofed away, cackling.

**REVIEW!**


	45. Eat them, and get me more rainbows!

**Again, to MoonXRain, you ROCK!**

I just love skittles.

There so yummy, and I love the colors.

And the colors are what led me to using this awesome annoying method.

Read on…

_I will regret this soooo much later,_ I thought as I crept from the side to the portrait hole.

_But they better get me more skittles._

Snappily, I kicked open the portrait hole and started to manically pelt the Marauders with my precious skittles.

"EAT THE FREAKIN' RAINBOW!", I yelled.

Hmmm…I thought once I was finished.

Maybe I shouldn't have put a Permanent sticking charm on them.

"ALICE!"

"YOU BETTER GET ME TWO WHOLE PACKETS!"

**Alice has two funds:**

**For a bunny/kitten…**

**For a life long supply of skittles.**

**REVIEW!**


	46. It's called Ding Dong Ditch

**I'm gonna miss you guys! *Tears up* only a few chapters left! If anyone can, please, PLEASE give me a guide to creating a role-play forum on Fanfiction!**

Really, truly, I read this and added my own twist by reading my muggle book which has endless pranks. I did do this to ol' Voldy, but, c'mon, it's a classic!

Now to wait for another escapade in the stealthy darkness…Poetic, aren't I?

I prepared myself for fast reflex needs, and, loudly and insistently, knocked on the Marauders Door. It was midnight.

A bleary-eyed trio were just getting up, when I spun to the side of the door.

Bewildered, they closed the door again.

Once I thought it was safe, I knocked the same way, much louder.

Again, I spun to the side, tripping while trying not to laugh their knickers off.

Again, they opened, and closed.

For a third time, without waiting, I knocked. They had been just there, so they caught poor little me, half-spun to the side.

"ALICE!"

"DING DONG DITCH, IT'S CALLED!"

And, oh, how true! Now that just sounded medieval.

**I also need ideas for who to annoy next…maybe Moody? Draco? Harry? Lily? Give me ideas!**


	47. Contract Changing sent to Dumbledore

**I'm on one heck of a roll…**

I practiced the spell again, knuckles going white as I gripped my wand. Successfully, the words morphed exactly as I was thinking, error-free.

I grinned as I finally got the spell right. This should be funny.

I went into the Gryffindor common room and tried to act all official, with my scroll and all.

Well, I failed.

So, with a badly stifled grin, I went to the Marauders, scroll held out as well as a fountain pen.

Raising an eyebrow, Remus acted the attorney for the contract I was holding out.

"_I, Alice DiAngelo, would like to witness, that the official group henceforth mentioned as the _Marauders_ are awesome prankers, level with herself. To witness this, are the society members of the Marauders."_

With my wand, I pointed at the lines below.

"Moony, sign here; Prongs, your initials here; Padfoot, sign at the far left", I instructed.

They followed, and I had the signed document in my hand.

Smirking, holding the scroll up for the Common Room to see, I tapped it and the letters modeled themselves to say this,

"_I, Alice DiAngelo, Would like to witness, that the stupid group henceforth called as the _Marauders_ are bloody imbeciles, quite opposite of her. To agree heartily with this are the members of the Marauders"_

But their signatures stayed untouched.

They stared at my handiwork.

"ALICE!", they shouted as the Common room burst out laughing.

"WAIT UNTIL THEY GET TO DUMBLEDORE!"

**Oh, and send me beta reader requests. I really want some work to read! REVIEW!**


	48. Phsycology books are pretty heavy

**Hi again! Love all of you wonderful reviewers!**

I pointed my wand at the three mega-heavy Psychology books on the table and I was silently thanking whoever left them there as I preformed the classic prank.

The books flew towards the Marauders, and, as sudden as I saw the small kitten(A tiger striped kitten! Insert crowds 'Awww'ing here) The books clunked down on their heads. But Daisy Brown (Lav-lav's mom), picked up the adorable kitten.

Meanie.

The Marauders saw my transfixed wand, still pointing above their heads.

"ARGH!"

"Does this mean I can't pay anyone to do it either?"

"ALICE!"

"I TAKE THAT AS A NO!"

**So do I, so do I. update! **


	49. Sharpies and duct tape can foil anyone

**Muahahahaha…I have a loose tooth!**

It was HoM and the Marauders were sleeping, the disgustingly normal people they are. I took out my lovely black Sharpie and began to write on their forearms.

By Lunch, the whole school had seen the little messages on their forearms.

Luckily, they hadn't seen me since HoM. And now, the whole Hogwarts, even professors had seen them.

But nobody could do anything about them.

Because it's a Sharpie, and it is the best thing in the world level with duct tape.

"How do we get it out?", Remus asked.

"Is it some spell?", James asked.

"What's the counter?", Sirius asked.

"It's not a spell"

"Then what is it?"

"It's a Sharpie, and it is the best thing in the world level with duct tape."

They looked blank.

"It's a permanent marker"

"ALICE!"

"SHARPIES HAVE FOILED THEM!", I pointed at the people dramatically, and went _CRACK!_

**I'm wiggling it…**


	50. My LastThe Speech

**I love you all faithful reviewers! You guys rock so much! *Tears up* This has been awesome, thanks to all of you!**

Today was my last day at annoying the Marauders that I had, and I still hadn't annoyed them exactly fifty times.

It was breakfast, and the Marauders looked at me smugly. Only forty-nine.

The last, and most fitting idea popped into my head. But I kept my cool, and walked to the front of the Great Hall.

I cleared my throat significantly (Not _Hem, hem,_ people!), and the hall fell silent.

I began.

"I would like to, first of all, thank Professor McGonagall, who sought me out and got me into Hogwarts, and gave me my mission to annoy the Marauders.

"Secondly, I would like to Thank Severus Snape, although he is still a semi-greasy git.

"And, lastly, I would like to thank the three irritable, easily-annoyed, frustrated, and highly sensitive in their jewels people, none other than the one and only, MARAUDERS!"

Everybody clapped for a few seconds, then caught on.

"ALICE!"

"I'M OFF!", and I apparated away from the Marauders for the very last time.

**Bahahahahahaha!**


End file.
